How do you want me?
Oh, that's good. Yeah, just... Just get comfortable.
I'm a little nervous.
You're doing great.
A little to the right there, gorgeous.
- Okay. Like this? - Oh, thattagirl.
Yeah. Okay.
- You ready? - Yeah.
- You're blushing, Dorothy. - Don't blush, Kathy.
Oh, Kathy.
Okay, and big smile.
Kathy Regan.
I will always remember...
... the game against Fairfield.
That one final kick.
State champion, senior year.
Hunter McCaffrey.
I will always remember...
... all the great times with the dirty dozen...
... and macking all the honeys.
Cindy K. Tina B.
Michelle H. Goddamn!
Just too many to remember.
I'll always remember lacrosse champions.
All the glory days with the boys.
I will always remember...
... the math-club madmen...
... making the perfect fake ID's...
... which lasted six seconds.
- Troy Cochran. - Troy Cochran.
- Troy gives good head. - Fuck you!
I'll always remember...
Seniors!
... the senior prank.
Matthew Kidman. I will always remember...
Yeah, well, I told you I wanted to try out.
We'd like to honor a student who has shown outstanding leadership.
We have no doubt that he will be one of the great politicians in Washington.
The award for the brightest leader of tomorrow, Matthew Kidman.
- I'm in! I'm in! - Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Georgetown! They gave it to you!
Hey, Jenny.
Yeah, dude, come on.
- Do you have the fever? - No.
Why? Do you?
I don't know. Maybe.
How about you?
I just gotta fuck something.
I said, everybody say, "Ho!"
You know what I say?
I say, this prom is gonna be off the hook! Do you feel me?
Security's gonna be tight. Get wasted before you show up.
That's enough!
That's enough. I can wait.
I can wait, people.
Now, it is your student-council president who has a few announcements to make.
Thanks, Mr. Salinger.
All right, how you doing?
Okay, let's start off with Operation Get Samnang.
Sam Young, baby!
Yeah.
Well, we did it. We raised the 25,000 dollars...
...so now we can bring the genius Samnang out of Cambodia...
...and bring him here to study at Westport.
Speaking of which, Samnang sent us a new tape.
Show that shit!
Show it!
Hi, everyone, it's Samnang.
Sam Young!
I am very excited to be coming soon. Are you excited?
I told my class that I am coming to America. They were sad.
I am so happy.
- I wanna bang you! - Go, Cougars!
How do they just skip class every day and go to the beach?
Because they just don't care.
Let's go with them.
- Seriously, let's just do it. - Why?
Because, I mean, we never do anything.
I mean, we're graduating. We should be going nuts right now.
Let's just do something.
I am doing something, I'm going to class.
Klitz, you already got into Yale. I mean, it doesn't matter anymore.
Yeah, Klitz, you pussy.
- Well, why don't you go? - Yeah, come on. Let's go.
Beach is for fags, man.
- The beach is for fags? - Yeah.
You know what? You guys are fags.
Everyone to the beach!
Let's go! Lock them and load them, dude.
Fuck it.
Personal power means the ability to act, the ability to take action.
Three steps to personal power are necessary for results.
Here's number one step to personal power. It's called energy. Energy.
When you wake up feeling really lethargic, really lousy...
... do you usually jump up and go...?
Oh, shit.
Hey! Pull it over!
Pull it over! Pull...
Oh, well, you're home early.
I postponed yearbook. I gotta work on my speech.
- Hi, Mr. Peterson. - Mr. President.
- Mrs. Peterson. - Congratulations.
- Oh, thank you. - Congratulations. Georgetown.
Wow, you must be flying.
- It's cool. - What's the speech you're working on?
Oh, it's for this scholarship I need to get so I can actually go to Georgetown.
It's pretty expensive.
What kind of scholarship is it? What do they give it for?
It's for the student who best demonstrates moral fiber.
Oh, moral fiber. Well, that's...
- Oh, I'm sure you'll get it. - Thanks. I mean, I hope so.
I mean, there's some stiff competition, and they only pick one of us...
...so I'll just have to blow them away with my speech.
Okay, so why do I deserve this scholarship?
John F. Kennedy once said, "Ask not what your country can do for you...
...but what you can do..."
Look, I don't know who she is.
I'm just saying that this girl was unbelievable.
I mean, she was like this angel.
I mean, she had this smile. I mean, you should have seen it.
- So did you bang her? - Oh, yeah, yeah. I banged her.
That's what a man does, okay?
- Yeah. Okay, Eli. - Good.
Oh, my God. She's so hot.
- What channel, dude? - No, the girl next door.
I can see her through my window.
How's the rack?
- God, who is this girl? - How's the rack?
- Hold on. Relax. - No. You relax.
Be a man and go over there.
Okay. Say what?
I don't know. Get off your ass and do something. Fuck!
- Hey, what are you doing? - What?
Hey, dude, seriously, I told you...
...it really freaks me out when you watch that while you're talking to me.
Just learn to like it.
Oh, my God.
What? Matt, what?
Matt!
Dude, what the fuck?!
Shit!
- Yes? - I'm sorry.
- Dan. - What's going on?
Matthew!
Matthew, come down here.
- What are you doing up there? - Nothing.
Come down here.
This is Danielle.
You know Mrs. Clark from next door. Danielle's her niece.
Danielle just told us something very interesting.
Mrs. Clark is in Africa for two weeks with her church group.
Did you know that?
Anyway, Danielle just came in from Los Angeles...
...and she's housesitting while her aunt's away.
Why don't you show her around.
Such a long road, you know.
- What are we doing? - Did you like what you saw?
What are you talking about?
Okay, I saw you for, like, an instant.
- An instant? - Yeah.
It was no big deal.
No, no, it was... It was a big deal, but it's just that...
I didn't...
I'm sorry.
So, what are we gonna do about this?
I mean, I said I was sorry.
What?
You saw me...
Yeah, right, like I'm gonna strip right here?
Are you serious?
No.
No. No, never gonna happen.
The whole package.
No, come on, this is good enough.
Jesus! Come on, will you relax?
Frigging psycho.
There. You happy now?
Yep.
Hey! Wait!
No!
Jesus. Sorry.
You're an asshole. It's not funny.
It's a little funny.
Come on.
Let me in. Let me in.
It's not funny.
It's a little funny.
So, what else do you do besides torture people?
- Seriously, what's your story? - I don't know.
I kind of just quit my job.
I want to start over. Maybe go to college.
So are you here alone or what?
- What? - Just ask.
Do you have a boyfriend?
No.
Aren't you gonna ask me if I have a girlfriend?
No.
Okay.
So you're about to graduate. You must be going nuts right now.
Yeah.
I mean, it's just been off the hook, you know?
- Really? - Yeah.
So, what's the craziest thing you've done lately?
Oh, I mean, it's hard to tell, you know, because we...
I've just done so much nuts stuff. I mean...
It's just off the hook, off the walls. I mean...
You haven't done anything, have you?
No.
It's kind of... It's kind of been my problem lately.
Come on, there's gotta be something.
What about your girlfriend?
Okay.
We can figure this out. You just need a girl.
What kind of girl?
Definitely someone cute.
Definitely.
Someone who can make him laugh.
But he also needs someone who's gonna push him.
Someone who's gonna make him do things he never thought he could do.
Like stripping in the middle of the street?
- Well, thanks for the ride. - No problem.
Well...
...good night.
Good night.
"Good night"? What are you, gay?
- I would have nailed her. - Okay, you wouldn't have nailed her.
- Whatever, dude. - And, you know, secondly...
...you know, the vibe was not right.
The vibe wasn't right? She comes to your house and makes you strip.
What does she have to do, sit on your face?
Come on, bitch.
- Damn. Should have kissed her. - Are you okay? Dude?
All right, you all have this graph, correct?
Good. Let's move along then.
Now, it's a very simple equation here. Somebody give me the answer to this.
All right, if no one knows the answer to this...
Looking at this calculation, what does this make us think of?
Questions on this?
Good news, ladies and gentlemen. Pop-quiz time.
That's Samnang Sok. He's this complete genius.
So we raised all this money for him to come here and study at our school.
- Who's "we"? - Well, I mean, I did...
...but he could be the next Einstein, you know.
You know, he could cure cancer.
Let's go.
So, what do you wanna do?
What?
I'm not stripping again.
Come on.
Danielle!
Come on. Where are you going?
Hey, come on, let's get out of here.
How do you know no one's home?
- I don't. - Come on.
Seriously, this is nuts.
Oh, boxers.
I always wear boxers. You just caught me on a weird day.
So, what's the craziest thing you've done lately?
This is right up there.
Oh, my God.
- That's Mr. Salinger. - Who?
That's my principal. Seriously, let's go.
- It's not funny. - It's a little funny.
Hey.
Just go with it.
Dude, I'm kind of uncomfortable watching this with you.
Dude, learn to like it.
I'm all wet. Can I come in?
Hey, guys. This is Danielle.
You must be Eli. And Klitz. Right.
Hey, come on, we're all going out.
- Can I use your bathroom first? - Oh, it's over here to the left.
- Dude. - I know.
Dude.
I know.
- Dude, what are we doing here? - Yeah, I know.
Guys, seriously, it's gonna get broken up, like, any second now, right?
Guys?
- Get the fuck out of here! - Sorry.
Go.
- So, what do you wanna do? - Let's just chill.
Hi, guys.
- Is this your party? - No, it's a friend of mine's.
- I'm Hunter. - Danielle.
This is Matthew.
- Hey, Matt, what's up? - What's up?
Can I get you something to drink?
- Yeah. - Hey, man, what's up?
- Can you come here for a second? - Yeah.
No, it's cool. They're pals.
What's up?
Yeah, man, this party's getting kind of full, bro.
- Yeah, so? - So you're gonna have to take off.
- Really? - Yeah.
Okay, but I'm with her. I mean...
Oh, it's cool, dude. She's taken care of.
There's the door.
Yo, man!
When's Samsung getting here?
- Samnang. - Yeah!
I love him.
Dude, I'm gonna do that little guy when he gets here.
Hard.
Cool, dude. I'm sure he'll like that.
Sam Young!
Excuse me.
- Dude. - I know.
- What? - You're coming with me. Right now.
Everybody out. Let's move.
I said out, minions! Move! Move! Faster, you little maggots.
- So how's everything going? - Fine.
Is everything, you know, okay at home?
All right, what?
Perhaps you should have a seat.
Perhaps you should bite me.
Perhaps.
Matthew...
...we live in a crazy, mixed-up world.
Crazy, but, oh, so beautiful.
Excellent, grasshopper.
And now for the final task of your training.
You're gonna need a harder piece of wood than that, cowboy.
- That's not her. - Yeah, it is.
- Oh, no. - Oh, yeah.
Matt! Matt! Dude, you're missing the best part.
Fuck! Fuck!
Settle down, tiger. I know. I know.
It's not funny. Seriously, get away from me.
- Dude, don't mess this up. - Mess what up?
Matt, she's a porn star, okay?
Take her to a motel room and bang her like a beast.
Eli, I like this girl.
And you can still like her with your penis inside her.
I'm telling you, you're gonna regret this.
What would JFK do? You know he'd tap that ass.
- Eli, I'm never gonna see her again. - Oh, you know what? Fine.
- Fine. - Fine!
Goddamn it, Matt. I swear to God, if you don't fuck her, I'll kill myself!
Matt, please. Please, Matt. Fuck her for me. For me!
- Oh, Marci, you're so funny. - Oh, thanks.
- I just saw you naked. - What?
Don't worry, honey, you were only 2 days old.
- Let's see what else we have. - Why are you here?
I just came here to say hi.
Hi.
Look at this one of him.
Hey, buddy.
- That one's the best. - It is. He looks so adorable.
He looks really... Oh, that's such a good one.
- Here you go, Danielle. - Oh, thanks.
- Thattagirl. - This is a cute one.
Oh, who's your daddy?
So you were going to school in Los Angeles?
For a while. But then I started working on other things.
Oh, what kind of things?
Let me show you.
Jesus!
- Are you okay? - Yeah, I don't know, I...
I don't feel so good.
What can I do to make you feel better?
I think I'm feeling a lot better now.
- We can go out another night. - No, we're going out tonight.
- You sure? - Positive.
- Look, I don't know if I can do this. - Yes, you can.
But tonight, be the man.
First off, act like you don't even like her.
- Hey. - Hey.
Second, get her drunk. Really drunk, okay?
That way the true porn star will come out in her.
Here, I... I got us something.
Bourbon?
- Are you trying to get me drunk? - No, what?
- I thought you like to rock. - "Like to rock?"
Last and most important...
...always be touching her, Matt.
That tells her you came here to get down tonight.
What are we doing?
Just chilling.
Hey, look.
Maybe we should get a room.
Okay.
Here it is.
This is... This is really nice.
TV.
Air conditioner.
Got a little lamp there.
Is that Monet?
What?
- What are you thinking? - What are you thinking?
I don't know.
Do you wanna fuck me?
Come here.
How do you want me?
Why are you doing this?
What?
This.
Isn't this what you want?
To fuck a porn star in a cheap motel room?
So this is what you think of me.
- Danielle, wait. I'm sorry. - Let me guess.
You saw a tape, and you thought:
"What the hell? She does it for a living, right?"
- Eli told me to do it. - Oh, now that's a mature response.
- Why didn't you just tell me? - Because I didn't want to, okay?
Because I loved the way you looked at me.
God, do you have any idea how..?
Forget it.
- Hold on. - Fuck you.
You're done.
Look, I'm an idiot, okay? I saw the tape, and I freaked out.
Hi. I'm coming in. Can I come in?
Look, I've just been crazy lately.
I mean, the whole scholarship thing, you know, I mean...
It's killing me, you know?
But I'm not even thinking about that.
The only thing I care about is you, you know?
All I want is just for us to go back to normal again.
It's a real nice place you got here, D.
I...
Can we...
...talk about this later? - Yeah.
Sure.
I like that.
- What? - What you said in there.
Thanks.
Kelly.
Matthew.
- So you're friends with D, huh? - Yeah.
Well, we're... We're kind of going out.
Look at you. You are a forest fire.
- Are we going? - Yeah.
You coming with us?
- Where are you going? - Can't. He's got school tomorrow.
No, no, I'm cool. Like, where are we going?
- Hey, there. What can I get for you? - We'll get two Scotch rocks and...
Make it three. Actually, I'll have a Long Island iced tea.
- So, what grade are you in, man? - I'm a senior. But I'm about to graduate.
Congratulations. What's next?
Georgetown, hopefully.
- Matthew wants to be president. - Really?
- That's great, man. - Yeah.
How do you two know each other?
How do we know each other?
- We used to work together. - So you're, like, an actor?
No. Strictly producer.
But D and I also used to go out. Excuse me a sec.
So you guys went out?
Thank you.
Look, can we just talk?
Talk.
I don't know if this is really the place.
- Why? What's wrong with it? - No, nothing. It's fine, you know.
It's one of my favorites.
Hey, you got one for me?
- What are you doing? - What?
Here.
And you turn it like so:
- Hey, where are you going? - The bathroom. Is that okay?
Yeah.
So you're really into her, huh?
Hey. I get it, man, believe me. She's gorgeous.
I just think you'd want someone more your age.
- She's my age. - Yeah, I meant experience-wise.
No offense.
Don't worry about it. I'm gonna take care of you.
Oh, my God. That's Mr. Peterson.
That's my dad's friend. He comes over all the time with his wife.
Really?
- Hey, Peterson. - What? Dude, what are you doing, man?
Yeah, you. Get over here.
Goddamn, Peterson, haven't seen your black ass in ages.
- Do I know you? - What the fuck's your problem?
- I... - Just fucking with you, man.
Hey, you know my friend Matty here, right?
- Matthew. Hi. - Peterson, this is Matty's first time.
Why don't you buy him a dance.
So did you hear about that scholarship yet?
No, big dinner's on Thursday.
So, what's it for again?
The scholarship.
It's for...
...moral fiber.
- Who is this guy? Is he a porn producer? - Klitz, shut up. Now, the strippers.
When you get a lap dance, were they cool with you grabbing their ass?
Dude. I'm trying to talk about Danielle here.
Fine. Selfish bitch.
For teenagers, sexual intercourse can be dangerous.
Jesus, what hack made this?
I could make a better sex-ed film with my mom.
Why don't they update this thing?
Special events, such as your senior prom...
... place added pressure on young teens to lose their virginity...
... and also engage in unprotected sex.
- Hello? - Hey, Bob.
We're all going to the creek tonight. It's gonna be a gas. You're coming, right?
I can't, guys.
I have a baby now.
Because of prom.
Dude.
- What? - Yeah, right.
- You guys ever thought about it? - No.
I just think you guys would be really hot.
- You girls are 18, right? - I am.
- I will be in a month. - Really?
- You ever been photographed? - A couple of times.
Hey, you guys know Matty?
I hung with him last night. Guy's the tits.
Here's my man.
- How you doing? - What's up, fellas?
Matty, you didn't tell me you got some serious burners at your school here.
Oh, shut up. You did not say that!
Hey, you know who's got the killer bud?
This fucker right here.
- What are you talking about? - Yeah, come on.
Yeah, you have some?
Yeah, come on.
- Holy shit. - You guys should party.
- Can l..? - All right, we're out.
- Hold on a sec. - Where are you guys going?
- We got things to do. - Do you wanna hang out?
- Hop in, fellas. - Aren't you gonna photograph us?
Always leave them wanting more.
Punch it!
Man, there is some talent here.
You get those girls together with those ass-bags there...
...shoot them humping at, like, a football game or at a prom, that video would sell.
Fuck, I'm good!
How do I get these ideas? It's like a gift, you know?
It's like I can't control it.
So, what are we doing, man?
You know, you really didn't have to come with me.
It's cool. I like running errands.
So you raised 25 G's just to bring this Chinese guy over.
No, he's Cambodian.
Okay, so that's 25,000 total deposited...
...into the Operation Get Samnang account.
Hey, so you raised all the money you needed.
- Congratulations. - Thanks.
So is this Samnang really as smart as they say?
Well, he did teach himself calculus without even using his textbooks, so...
Those crazy little fuckers, man. They sure know their numbers.
Jeannie, this is my... This is my student advisor.
Oh, you're Mr. Salinger?
Just here to make sure everything's up to par. Wow.
- What? - I love those earrings.
- Oh, thank you. - They really compliment your coloring.
Thanks. I just got back from Cabo.
- Did you? - Yeah.
Okay, well, we gotta go. Thanks, Jeannie.
Man, what were you doing..?
- There's a bar, you sit with the people. - You have been there.
- See? I knew it. - No, no.
- This guy is unbelievable. - You.
- Where you guys going? - Vegas, baby.
We got the convention. Gotta press the flesh, meet the fans.
So that's it? You're just going back?
I don't belong here.
What do you..? What do you mean? What about starting over?
This is what I am.
All right, D, let's roll.
- Dude, it's not your fault. - No, it is my fault.
If I hadn't been such a dick and taken her to that motel room...
Yeah, it was a little forward, don't you think?
- Dude. - What?
Matt, the point is, she made her decision.
There's nothing you can do about it now.
Yeah, there is.
- Hey, Dad? - Don't wait up.
- I'll be late tonight. - I'll watch it tomorrow.
- Shark Week is all week long. - God, I just wanna bang hot chicks.
- Move it. - Sorry.
Big smile.
- Sasha! - Sasha!
- Yo, man, no press. - No, no. No, I'm not press.
I'm still in high school, okay? This is for my high school video yearbook.
I swear to God.
That's right, bitch.
Jesus, is that her?
Give me a second, guys.
- Athena! - Athena!
- Danielle. - Athena! Athena!
- Danielle. - Come on! Athena, right here!
- Work it, Athena. - You are so hot, Athena.
- Look, I'm sorry. I had to come. - Asshole, I'm next.
- I feel like this is all my fault. - Who is this guy?
- Will you at least look at me? - Bend over.
You're the best thing that ever happened to me, okay?
- Me too! - Oh, Danielle.
He's so sweet.
Danielle.
Nice job, dickwad.
- Danielle. - Hey, man, get me out of this thing.
- Take me with you, dude. - Danielle.
Just leave me alone, please.
Danielle.
- Danielle, Danielle. - Hugo, hi.
Look at you. You look fantastic.
Just starting out, and everyone knows your name.
No, they don't.
- So how's Kelly treating you? - Okay.
Just okay?
Danielle, what do we know?
What do we know? We know that you should be with me.
At the top. Where the air is crisp.
- Nice tan. - Kelly.
- What do we say? - Fuck you.
Always with the big words.
Danielle, where the air is crisp.
- What does that mean? - Nothing. He's just being Hugo.
Matty. What are you doing here?
Look, Kelly, no offense, but I really don't think Danielle...
...wants to be here right now.
Matthew, please just go home, okay?
Hey, D.
I'm sorry, man. Come on. Let's get out of here.
What's up?
It's not cute anymore.
- What? - Stop filling her head with that...
- Do not piss me off. - Hey, I thought we were friends.
Friends don't fuck with each other's business.
And that's what this is, my fucking business.
What?
What are you gonna do?
Yeah, that's what I thought. Stay the fuck away from her.
Matt, seriously, man, it's 2:00 in the morning.
Hey, what about your thing tomorrow? Okay, the scholarship dinner?
Sorry, I gotta do this.
Oh, by the way, if things get bad, just bolt, okay?
What? What do you mean, "if things get bad"?
Just bolt.
Wait, what's he talking about?
You wanna get me a drink? No, I'm just kidding.
Hi.
Dude...
...am I ugly?
What? No. No, man, you're fine. Just relax.
No, I'm ugly. I know it.
- So, what do you guys do? - I get freaky.
- We're directors. - Really?
Would you guys ever wanna use me in one of your movies?
Hell, yeah, we'll use you.
Baby, I'll do things to you I wouldn't do to a farm animal.
- What the fuck did you just say? - Honey. These guys are directors.
- And they wanna use me. - Use you?
Guys, this is my boyfriend, Mule.
Hi, Mule.
Let's do it.
Man, you gotta use my girl, bro. She's so good.
I am. I really am.
- You wanna give her a throw? - Yeah, try me out.
No, you know, no, I'm okay, though, thank you.
Well, come on. At least feel her tits.
I'm okay. I can't. Thank you, though.
Fuck it. I'll feel one.
We're all set for tomorrow. Athena will be there, ready to shoot. Right, babe?
Not bad, huh? Suckers cost me 6 grand.
Yo, Mule, what the hell are you doing?
Steel, check it out, man. These guys are directors.
Man, these punks ain't directors. They're in high school, you idiot.